If I did not know better, I would think I was reading a post that I would have posted right after my daughter's birth. I remember standing over her just crying while her blood was drawn, apologizing for all that she had to endure. I was so guilt ridden. Your depression is understandable. You have been to hell and back. I swear to God it gets better. I was a first time mom with my daughter too. Just remember they are learning to be little people themselves. It is all new to them too. I think you are doing an excellent job so far. Have faith that God will get you through this. He entrusted you with this special child. He has faith in you. As far as normality of the child. Believe me, I have a typical three year old. Yeash! She looks completely normal. Her genitals look almost completly normal too. My daughter had her surgery at 6 months. Her clitoris was severly enlarged. She breezed through the surgery. That is a whole big can of worms to open up here. Worry about that subject a little later. That subject can be saved for a little later when you have a grip on things. Take one day at a time now. Whatever the case, she will always be like any other girl. We talked earlier about telling our children why they have to get blood work done and take medicine. Most of us agreed that we just tell them that some people are born with poor vision and need to wear glasses. Some are born with legs that don't work and need a wheelchair. You need to take this medicine because your body cannot make what is in this medicine. And you too have to remember that so you don't go insane. Yes, CAH is very serious. But if it is managed correctly then these kids grow to be normal adults. There is a mom on here that has had children. She is fine. The ignorance of that nurse makes me ill. Just try to blow it off. Let the support and love showed on this board over shadow them. And just know this. I feel as though because my child has this disease/disorder, I am blessed even more than the average mom because I know how VERY special and lucky I am to have had this child. I take not a breath for granted. Your golden gift from God shines even brighter. Hang in there, it will get better. If you need to talk for CAH support or even every day new mom questions, I am at- mack1@webcombo.net. No question is a dumb question. Good luck.