Barbara, I am feeling so horribly inadequate in responding to your message. You are so incredibly strong just to be able to verbalize your feelings. Know that many, many are sharing in your sorrow and pain. And know that you are being prayed for and draw strength from that. I'm so sure that one day all will be revealed to us and we will understand why these "mother's worst nightmares" happen. God bless you and bring you comfort.