Oh gosh. I'm so sorry. I, too, know the childloss pain as my 3 year-old salt-wasting CAH twin daughter died 6/23/99 due to an adrenal crisis - the twins were to turn 4 on July 4th. When Erica died, I remember thinking that I would never, ever be able to smile or laugh ever again for the rest of my life. I was quite content just sitting on the kitchen floor (or Walmart aisle floor!) crying and wishing I would die so that I didn't have to live with the pain. I went downhill in grief for the first 6 months after her death, then had a turning point, and slowly learned how to live again (for my surviving 3 daughters). It has now been over one year, and I do smile and laugh a lot now. I have learned how to enjoy my surviving daughters, and how to find enjoyment in life again. People who had lost a child would say, "it will get better." I couldn't see how it possibly could - after all, those people weren't "me." But it did get better. Such an unspeakably, horrible thing to have to have happened in your life. Grieve as you want and need to, no one can make you go through the stages of grief any faster - even though they may try. I am so sorry for your loss!