Boy, do you need a hug?!?! Your story sounds very similar to my own and I can certainly empathize with you. Sometimes when stressful things happen in a "back to back" fashion we don't have time to recover. We just go on putting one foot in front of the other until something gives. Reaching out to the wonderful people on this board is a good sign. It says that you know you need to release some stress and that is the first step to healing. You have every right in the world to have these feelings. You have been through so much in a relatively short period of time and your body and mind need a break. (Might I suggest an extended trip to Hawaii - it worked wonders for us) After all that we had been through I had just begun to find some peace of mind and then the "Upjohn fiasco" happened. I found myself walking around like a zombie just waiting for the other shoe to drop. Somewhere in the mix I also lost a loved one. The holidays are always a difficult time when someone special isn't there. Especially the first year. You are very lucky to have had a relationship with her that was so special. Some people never experience the closeness that you and your mom obviously had. The next time you feel sad because you miss her, look deeply into the eyes of your children until you find a bit of her there. Then, reach out and hug them for a while until your mom's spirit fills your heart. You will find that she hasn't really left you at all. Her legacy lives on in the heart and soul of your children. She will be with you forever!! One thing that my family did when we lost my husband's father was to plant a seedling that he had been growing in his workshop in the back yard. Now, everytime we miss him we can go over to a living thing and nurture and care for it as we watch it grow. It helps us to focus our love and share our thoughts with each other. Give it a try and see if it helps bring you all some peace. As far as crying over the little things, that just means that you haven't finished crying over the big things yet. Give it some time, it does get a little easier as time goes on. I will pray for you so that you might find the strength you need to keep things together not just for you, but for your family too. I will also pray that you will find some peace of mind and happiness in the memories of the happier times you spent with your Mom. Hang in there and keep us posted.