Lynn,

I really felt for you when you described how Ryan would get so upset because he was embarrassed that he startled easily.  Hurt feelings can be so much harder to deal with than other kinds of hurt!  It sounds like you are handling the situation perfectly.  Ending an episode with a laugh, tickle and hug fest will make a positive experience out of a negative one.  It makes sense that startles easily because he is anxious.  I don't really have any suggestions about that.  But as far as dealing with his hurt feelings, have you told him that you also had this problem?  My 4 year old son was really upset about something the other day (I can't even remember what now) and he was sobbing hysterically.  I told him that when I was a little girl the same thing happened to me and I cried too.  He perked right up and asked me lots of questions about when it happened to me.  I think it made him feel a lot better to know that I really knew how he felt.  Maybe if you read him the post from Pamela that would help him too.  If he knew that other people were "scardey cats" too it might make him feel better.

Good luck,  I am sure it will get better with time......