Dear Laura,

I have been wanting to tell you this for many months. It may seem strange coming from me but I think I understand some of the anguish you must feel every time the topic of the surgery appears on this message board. We come at the issue from such different perspectives but I think we share some of the same pain. No one could possibly ever accuse you of basing your decision on selfish motives. You made the best choice, indeed it was the only choice you could have made, given the information you had at the time.

You do have cause to worry about how your daughter would react if some ignorant person were to say to her: "You know you were a boy when you were born?"  Sadly, no surgery, no matter how successful, can prevent that from happening. You must prepare her by talking honestly and openly to her about her condition when she is older and begins to ask questions. Being born with an enlarged clitoris is nothing to be ashamed of and it did NOT make her a boy. I’m sure that you understand how important it is that she isn’t left to try to discover the truth about herself on her own.

I will continue to try to persuade parents that still have this decision before them that, although it will be hard for everyone concerned, it is best when the girl is able to make her own choice. I feel so much compassion for you and all the parents who may be suffering over this even though they only did what they were sure was best for their child.

God bless you,

Joan