Roberta,

     First I have to say that I wish that I could put my arms around you and hold you while you cried every lst one of your tears. Just to  not say a word but let you greive and be held and comforted.

Yesterday our 4 year old went to school not feeling real chipper but I attributed it to getting up just before the bus came and sent him off. He sseems to be just tired.

The school called about an hour and a half later and said that he was not being himself and wondered if I would like to come and get him. He was also running a mild temp.

In the 10 minutes that it took to get  there he had thrown up. I had taken his cortef and gave him a double dose as soon as I walked in.

When we got home I gave him a Phenergan suppository and laid him down for nap.He slept for 5 hours and during that time all I did was worry.

We have the salu-cortef here and our doctor has informed us that any time that he throws up and won't keep meds down or if he is just acting funny to give it to him.

So I sat here in the living room and I could not help but look at his school picture from last fall. I saw him lined up with the three other children and thought how bad it would be if that was the last picture that we ever had of him.

CAH is so scarey. This kids seems so healthy 95% of the time but that 5% is what throws us back to reality.

I can't imagine your loss and how it feels but I do know that a mother heart can never really mend when they lose a child. You might feel better someday but your heart will always feel just a little bit empty I'm sure.

What happened though you can not take the balme for. There were doctors who were trained that you trusted and they let you down. You did all that you could knowing what you knew and your little angle knows that.

 I am sure that when she looks down at you and sees your pain that she would love to hold you and tell you that she is fine now and that she loves you very much.

God will keep her close to him until the day that you can be together.Jesus loves the children so very very much and and has added Jessica to his flock. She is in the best hands ever.

Take care.