My heart goes out to you, Barbara. You have been in my thoughts and prayers often in the last year. My own son died just 3 weeks short of his 2nd birthday - adrenal crisis (really long story); he would have been 12 now! Although it has been a long time, I can still remember every awful detail as though it were yesterday. My life was turned upside-down, and I am not the same person. You will never forget, but it WILL become easier to continue living. I can relate to the feeling that time has gone by in a "blurr", the endless crying, the feelings of complete hopelessness and despair. I have only one thing that got me through it (and still helps to get me through it): God. I don't know if you're a Christian or not, but I would gladly talk to you about this at more length, if you would like to e-mail me. Being a Christian does not make life painless, but I can't imagine trying to get through something like this without Him. I will keep you and your family in my prayers, and hope you will take a moment to drop me an e-mail. God's blessings.