Thank you so much for sharing something so personal with us.  My own daughter just turned 13 yesterday.  A month ago she was examined by a urologist to be sure she had a sufficient vaginal opening to allow for normal menstruation.  (You must know that my daughter was slightly virilized at birth - not enough to be diagnosed immediately - but by age 3 it was sooo obvious and that is when she was diagnosed.)  She had never been examined that closely.  That doctor talked to her for 20 minutes before he even mentioned looking "down there".  He told her exactly what he was going to do and - more importantly - why he was going to do it.  He gave her choices - she could have the exam done right then and there or he could do it at the hospital with a little anesthesia.  He left the two of us in the room to talk and decide.  My daughter cried and I cried, we talked about it more.  She knew I would be right there and that it was ok for this doctor to be looking/touching.  Finally, he came back in and she told him to go ahead with the look.  I stood at the head of the bed on one side holding her hand, his nurse on the other side.  He was gentle and he talked to her the whole time, explaining exactly what he was doing or about to do.  In the end, it was not a traumatic experience for her.  I am so thankful that this doctor understood that it was important for him to win her trust and confidence and to understand what was being done to her body - and give her some options.  It made all the difference.  My whole point is that there are some unpleasant things our children have to go through, but like Aimee pointed out, there are ways to make these experieces much better for them.