My daughter is 5-1/2 year old and has always been very assertive.  Her teachers love her and say she is wonderful to have in class.  They say she can always be counted on to be a leader, to do what is right, and to help the other children learn the rules and schedule.  This is not always the case at home.  There are more battles with mom and dad, but obviously she knows she can work us more and we eventually may cave.

We have two neighbor kids who are younger and who our daughter likes to play with - on her terms.  She sometimes seems to enjoy aggravating them or making them mad.  We discussed this with her teachers, who have said her actions are typical of how many kids start the socialization process and not only was it normal, it was something that was very intuitive.  Her teacher said she knows which kids and relationships she might be able to manipulate and which ones she cannot. 

Sure enough, what her teacher said came to light recently.  Last week, one of the neighbor kids had twin cousins in town from Hawaii.  The two twins, girls - 6, played at our house one day.  When they walked in, our daughter turned into an 8 year old, introducing them to us, playing very well with no arguments, and trying to act very grown up.  She nicely asked if they would like to stay for dinner and asked them what kind of foods they liked.  Very different than how she plays with the 4 and 5 year old neighbors.

This is my take on her assertiveness, and yes, bossiness:  I am thankful for it.  I am very glad she knows what she wants and what it takes to make her happy.  Yes, she will see many setbacks on the road of life with school, teachers, bosses, etc. - but that instinction is very much a part of her. 

I know so many women who are too willing to give up themselves and their lives for some guy or partner without thinking about what they want.  I am happy my daughter has self worth and expects something of herself, and of others.  It contributes to her overall self confidence.

There is nothing wrong with a strong female who wants her way or wants to lead.  I was just the exact same way growing up (CAH carrier).  My mother’s best friend tells me now how persistent I was and laughs when I discuss my daughter.

Sometimes, my daughter will get shy and ask me to speak for her.  Even though 90% of the time she is assertive, I still encourage her to stand up for herself by saying "if you don’t ask, you don’t get". 

I think it is a wonderful attribute for girls and I know when she is going through her teens her father and I will worry much less than if she were easily influenced, was meek or a follower.

Just my two cents.