Dear Natalie,

I could have written that word for word. You made me just cry. That was so beautiful. That new song by Martina McBride, "In My Daughter’s Eyes"just melts my heart. If I was judging the stories, yours would be my number one pick. But as you know you have already won because you have your daughter, in your eyes.  

You really hit it on the head talking about the guilt you feel when they are born. With every new mother you examine every inch of your newborn. You count those fingers and toes and take pride on helping produce such a wonder. BUT when you have a baby that has complications at birth, those complications are added to your own personal list of, "I helped create". I can remember when my daughter was an infant, I would get these waves of sadness. I would just break down crying as I watched her innocently dabbled with a teething ring. I thought to myself, she has no idea she has this life threatening disease. The day she was born, I kept repeating to myself, "My God my God, why did you abandon me?" But it took building up my confidence in learning about CAH, and finding this board to know, I was not alone. Leading me to lifetime friends I made along the way. And THAT was God reminding me, that He never abandoned me. He was there making sure that when my daughter was misdiagnosed at birth, that He blessed me with a pediatrician that would save her from dying and diagnose her correctly. He placed her in a wonderful hospital that would care for her as she grows. Making her feel so special as to say to me the other day, as she skipped down the hall after her many tests, and doctor visits, "I am the luckiest girl in the world!" I kept asking that same question, why? after she was born. I had a 13year old cousin that answered that question for me. Because God knew you had the love this baby needed to see her through life. Again, God chose a simple 13  year old boy to send His message through to me. Everyone has a cross to bear in their life. My motto is, you choose the way you will carry it. I choose to carry this cross with Christ at my side. I find it much lighter to carry. I find it is the only way I can cope. There was one time I felt like God wasn’t real. My daughter was extremely sick from a high high fever. I was alone at home, made all my phone calls and she seemed to be starting a crisis. I knelt down in another room and asked God to help her.  I got up and thought to myself, He isn’t even real is He? (she made a huge recovery in those next minutes) The next day I got a card in the mail from a friend. The front of the card said, "Believe, God is Always With You." I almost dropped the card I was so taken back. It was a note from a friend that was thinking about me. I asked her how she knew my daughter was sick. She said she didn’t know. She was reading something that suggested sending a card to someone you thought of. She thought of me and my daughter. Again, God speaking through a wonderful friend. I have no idea what the future holds for my daughter but there is one thing I know for sure. God will ALWAYS take care of her.

Thank you for sharing Natalie. I apologize for this long email. You just brought out such emotion in me I couldn’t hold it back. Especially as I see so many new mommies on this board. Perhaps your post is yet, another God thing. Speaking through you to them. God bless! That was absoulutely beautiful.