I really know how you feel as I too have a 4 year old girl who has not had surgery.  I too, have had friends tell me "she CAN’t grow up like that!"  I’ve had surgeons guilt me so much I cried.  Like you, I am looking out for her well being.  Childhood is all too short compared with the rest of our lives.  I couldn’t imagine making the decision to cut her clitoris off and possibly ruin any chance of orgasm.  This too has been extremely hard for me.  I was crying just last night.  I have come to realize that the reason I expect my daughter to act "perfect" is because I was trying to make up for her not being perfect.  I love her so much and worry about her so much.  It has changed and effected who I am as a person.  Not necessarily for the better.  Fiercly protective when I was so easy going, worrisome when I was so relaxed, easily angered when I would roll with it.  I am trying hard to work out these issues.  I was in therapy for a year.  My husband is a saint.  He is my rock.  And my daughter....she is such a blessing!  She has such a funny and strong personality.  She gets all the attention at outings.  Often I forget what she might and will have to deal with in the future.  But when it all comes back it hits me hard.  I keep telling myself that this is about her and not me.  This is her life, her body ...I truly believe that we all choose our bodies and parents.  This choice is made in order to best  grow and learn.  My daughter already is so empathetic and caring.  I know that she has so much going for her and that her self confidence will take her far.  Take care, and I welcome any thoughts from you as I know you have been through this too.  Julia