I know many of the parents that visit this message board will probably never get the chance to meet one another but there is still a bond that is formed.  I guess I posted today because I am a feeling a combination of several emotions that i started experiencing since the birth of my daughter with SWCAH.  Up until now I have been able to somewhat but them on the back burner but lately I am really not able to put it back there anymore.  I know everyone has things to overcome and there own challenges that is why I never really mention these feelings to family and friends.  I guess I almost feel like it will show that I am not able to handle what God has given me to deal with.  I have put my heart and soul into educating myself as much as I can about CAH while taking care of a 14 month old, 2 1/2 year old and a 10 year old with tons of homework and also hold down a full time job.  For a couple of months all I could think about or talk about was CAH I was consumed with it.  When I first brought my daughter home I of course had never heard of CAH I just automatically thought okay I am going to get attached to her and then God is going to take her away.  I don’t know how many days I would just sit and hold her and think no first steps, no first birthday, no first day of school, no prom or graduation.  I now know that the things are possible for my daughter especially by reading the encouraging post from adults that have CAH such as Aimee!  Thank You so much Aimee if you read this you have inspired me more than you know.  I just always have this gut feeling that since I am the parent that handles everything medical with my daughter that if something bad happens to her it’s my fault because I didn’t learn everything I possibly could.  I also feel guilty because my other 2 children in a way do not get the attention I think they need because my mind is not where it needs to be.  My husband knows my daughter has CAH but says he can’t concentrate on it the way I do.  I tell him I don’t expect him to that is my choice.  He has dropped out of the picture as far as daily meds and appointments that he has pretty much just handed 100% of the care to me.  Please don’t that I am ungrateful and complaining I am not I love my daughter so much.  I just hope there will be a day when I can look at her and love on her and CAH not pop in my head several times.  I want to love her for her and for the beautiful person I know she is inside and out!  I am not jealous of my friends that have children that are healthy and just take the normal things like tylenol and such.  I do wonder sometimes if they know exactly how much I am scared and doubt myself on a daily basis.  If anyone can relate to what I am talking about or have been where I am now and adjusted to it could you please respond.  I do have EAP with my employer and I think it is a good idea that I talk to someone such as a counselor to help me work out my feelings.  Cherry your words have been so encouraging and I know from what you have posted you have had challenges to deal with also in your life.  I only hope one day I will be able to be as strong on this inside as I show others in my life on the outside!  God Bless everyone that took the time to real this very long post I just love my little girl so much and my other children so much and I want to be there for them as they deserve not only physically but mentally also.  I almost didn’t post this because this is used alot for educational purposes but I really just need someone to talk to and obviously right now I don’t feel like I can do this with my family and friends in my area.  Take Care -  Dana Rush