Hi Dana,

I was trying to email you off the board because I could go on for pages. Let me try and make this brief. If you would like the long version, email me. (smile) In the begging it is so overwhelming. You are still reorganizing your life to fit CAH comfortably in it. Having a child with a medical problem sometimes can bes tressful on a family. What you need to do is be aware of that danger. My pediatrician was always asking how my family was doing, how my relationship with my husband was doing since the birth of my daughter. It can be stressful. Men handle this differently. (well most of you do) My husband is very inward. If it doesn’t have a carborator attached to it, he can’t fix it. Men like to fix things. We are mothers. We fix things to. Like EVERYTHING. But we must remind ourselves we can’t fix EVERTHING. I found to be very controlling over my daughter’s care in the begging. As much as I know my husband was capable, it was never enough for me to truly let go and let him. Perhaps your husband is just stepping back because he feels you need to take it from here so he doesn’t get in trouble. (wink) I don’t know your situation so please don’t take any offense to me suggestions. Some guys may step back because they just can’t do it. Some take the reins and run with them, leaving us behind sometimes. Don’t shut him out. You may think you are not but you could be. And perhaps you are not. But write things down and try to involve him in her care. I used to be furious that I would be the one that would have to take her to all her blood work appointments. I was angry that I was the one to have to watch her suffer and he would breeze in the hero and not understand why I was in tears the night before. That is when I told him it was time he joined us for a blood work appointment. After that he understood. I think in the begining you sounded so like me trying to get a grip on this that you absorb yourself in it. I did. You sounded exactly like me. Remove the fear of the unknown then I could cope. And I did. You will eventually let go. But you need to eventually take a step back because life will happen. She will go to school, she will make new friends and life will happen. I forget my daughter has CAH. The medication she takes comes so natural to us now it is like breathing. Take one day at a time. You have a lot on your plate right now. You need some time to yourself. It is like a bank account. If you keep taking out and taking out without putting something in, you end up broke one day. Don’t let yourself become "broke". Take a step back and breath. Take time for the other kids too. They need you too. But especially for yourself. You are doing a great job. Look at you. Be proud. God DID give you what you can handle. You may not think it, but He has. Give yourself some credit. My biggest advice to you....F.R.O.G. No not the ribbit kind of frog you are thinking of.  This king of frog: F. (fully) R. (rely) O. (on) G.(God) When I was at the end of my line trying to cope with this whole CAH thing, it was there in the trust of our God that I finally found the peace I so desperately needed. I am not one that goes around trying to "save people" I am simply a child of God. Everyone is on a different spiritual path, everyone has their own cross to carry. You just need to know when it is time to call on HIM to help you carry it. You would be surprised at how light it can get when someone else is there to help you carry it. One day (at my wits end) My daughter was extremely sick. Nothing was working. I did all the right things, stressed dose called all doctors ect. I went into the other room for a moment and fell to my knees in a desperate cry for help from God. I got up and wiped my face feeling defeated. I mumbled to myself, "Why did I just pray? You probably ain’t even real anymore." Within minutes my daughter completely did a turn around and was running around playing. The next day I got a card in the mail. It said, "Believe, God is always with you." I almost dropped the card. It was from a friend that said she thought of me and my daughter after reading out of her Daily Bread book that she needed to send a card to someone she was thinking of. She said she immediately thought of me and my daughter. She had no idea my daughter was sick that day. But God sure did. I still to this day have that card on my fridge as a reminder, He IS always with us.

Now like I said. If you want the long version of this email me. Any time. I am here with my ears and heart open to you. Know that you are not alone. God bless.