OH Dana, I sure know how you feel.  My swcah daughter is turning 12 and I had a flow of emotions just like you are experiencing many times over the years.  You sound like you are a loving mom with three children to care for.  Thats a lot for anyone much less someone with a special needs child.  I can tell you that it gets easier over the years when you dont have to worry so much that she may get sick and you wont know until its too late.  When she can talk she will tell you if she doesnt feel well and that really helps.  You wont have to dwell on cah all the time.  It becomes part of your daily life as anything else does.  You will see that she will grow up and play and act like every other kid and she isnt really any different at all.  I have an older son who was only 10 when she was born and I too had the feelings that I was ignoring him or wasnt giving him what he deserved.  It really stressed me out and he ended up going to live with my sister and her family for a while.  My daughter was everything I could deal with at that time or so I thought.  I worked full time and I too have a husband but felt it was all up to me to handle everything.  So we are alike in many ways.  Just take it from me it gets better and easier.  I will pray for you today that God will give you the strength to care for your family and still have energy enough left for yourself.  I feel that God allows things to happen in our lives so we will look to Him for guidance and lean on Him for strength in the difficult times.