Dana........ First of all a BIG hug from me to you! I know how overwhelming having a cah baby can be and WE ALL have mentally been where you are at right now...at some time or another. Lucky for you that you don’t get jealous of other parents who have the kids that fly through classes and life very healthy and perfect in every way. MEEEEEEE! Sorry .......I am jealous as hell. I do ask myself WHY cah happened to Mitzi because she lost her mother and all. I feel she got two slams in life before she was a year old. Then she has to live with me to boot! Poor thing! LOL I think probably the biggest mistake you are making is beating yourself up mentally and thinking somehow as a mother you should be able to fix this and make her WHO you think she should be, perfect in everyway health wise. WE ALL wish this for our children and we should not feel bad about it. Feeling as you are not meeting the needs of your other children mentally is also another NORMAL fear. HONESTLY NO MOTHER overlooks her childrens needs. There may not be the buffering and fluffy comfort you would like to give EACH one........but they know they are loved and cared for ..plus they KNOW the new one needs you and they would not want to take anything away from her. KIds are in tune to there siblings needs more than we know. My daughter has told me many times she knew I had my hands full with her brother and her role in being the observer made her excel in many ways she would not have otherwise. NOW............. WORKING FULL TIME and childrearing three children.......... GEEZ LOUISE...... GIVE YOURSELF A BREAK! Not many can do this with out something giving at some point and I think you are emotionally,physically and spiritually exhausted. You have to take stock and fill your soul with nourishment  to be able to give it. When is the last time you had an afternoon for yourself? I don’t care if you are counting flowers on the wallpaper or soaking in a bubble bath. TAKE TIME TO NOURISH AND TREAT YOURSELF! We need this,other wise we lose focus in WHO WE ARE and you become so& so’s wife and  so & so’s mother and the dog groomer and the laundry lady and the  chef ect. Then no more Dana and you are an empty shell put on this world to make life pleasant for others..... YOUR FAMILY YES!! This is WHAT you think you are expected to do.I KNOW I did it for 2o years before I realized I REALLY was not good for anyone including myself. Oh! My house was clean and the kids were in soccer and we looked just like a NORMAN ROCKWELL painting. I sat in a therapist office and was asked if I was happy and I did not stop crying for 3 months. I was BITTER VERY BITTER I had sacrificed 20 years of making a home ect for others and  they left home and there was no me. This time around I am really enjoying my family and I don’t do it if I don’t want too. I EXPECT my husband to pull his share of the responsibility and help with the meds the blood draws the tantrums the carpooling and the dance and swimming lessons AND I DON"T WORK. WHY? Because when Mitzi came into OUR  life. God did not just say here Cherry take this child make her whole....... carry this burden (don’t come unglued folks it is just a term) ALONE. He gave this child  to us both. WHY? So we can share the responsibility together and grow in her love. She knows when WE take her to the Dr. WE are a team. We conquer EVERY hurdle together the good , bad and the ugly otherwise WHY is HE here. He is not going to have the luxuries of having a daughter without the responsibility. BOTTOM LINE! PLUS he is my support system. When I am DONE (overwhelmed) he is my second shift. I raised two children as a single parent and it is tough for the parent and the child CAH or not.

 The best thing you can do for your little one is enjoy the moment ......CAH and all  because if for some reason she left you....you would live in guilt for the rest of your life KNOWING you did not give your all when you had the chance. And someday she will leave you...... When you wak her down the aisle on her Wedding day you will cry your heart out because you know you are losing your baby and gaining a woman friend unlike any other. Share your thoughts fears and anxiety and your responsibilties with your husband. Maybe he feels the same pain you are feeling and can’t express it to you because he knows your plate is full. Count your blessings and bathe your babies and go get into bed and snuggle and relish in there smells and smiles and laughter. They are gone WAAAAAAYYYY to fast. Go in one night and watch there sleeping faces and ask yourself WHAT WOULD HAPPEN IF THEY DID NOT HAVE ME?  This is why you need to take care of DANA first and the rest will fall in place.

Hope this helps as I am worried about you and your little family. I will pray you find the solace that you need right now!

Sincerely

Cherry Lane