So sorry again Tonia.  My children went through the loss of their beloved grandfather six years ago (so they were 4 and 5).  What seemed to help them was whenever it was possible we gave them some control in decisions.  We had them pick what they thought "Papa" would like to have them draw a picture of.  We told them that we would put them with Papa so he could always see them.

It is a very personal thing as to how you handle their involvement in the services but our children wanted to be deeply involved - at least for their age.

I do know that putting a note inside a balloon and sending it up to heaven so that "Papa" could read it was very comforting for them and from there on a prayer at night seemed to do.

I wish you good luck and we will keep you in our prayers.