Dear Martha,

My husband and I adopted our daughter from a Chinese orphanage 11 weeks ago.  We had absolutely no experience with CAH before our adoption.  L. has a great deal of virilization from 3 years of not being treated (heck, not being diagnosed) in China.  But, we also wondered whether we should wait till she was older to do her surgery.

The "let’s wait" thought lasted until the 3rd day of childcare.  I took L. to the girl’s bathroom.  All of a sudden, I heard a loud voice behind me say "if she’s a girl, how come she has a wee-wee part."  I swung round in shock to find a precocious 4 year old standing behind me.  I did not even realize she had been there.  The toilet stall was very narrow and small.  I could not close the door after putting L on the toilet seat, but I thought I had done a good job of shielding L.  Obviously I was WRONG!  This little girl must have been peering between my legs!  And why was she so nosy!  I shooed her away with a firm "we need some privacy."  But, it dawned on me that no matter how hard I tried to protect L.  No matter what length I went through to shield her from prying eyes and cruel remarks.  I knew that sooner or later, she was going to have people look at her, make snide remarks, maybe even try to yank down her underwear to "look and see."

It dawned on me that the "let’s wait" attitude had it’s own inherent risks.

At this moment, L is 3 years old and doesn’t understand enough English to be hurt.  But in another 6 months or 1 year, she will figure out that there is something different about her.  People are saying things about her. She won’t understand why.  But, she will be hurt.

So, Martha, L is scheduled for her surgery in 3 weeks.  My husband and I have discussed, debated, researched, and prayed about this. You know what, I feel 100% comfortable with our decision.  Someday, L might be angry with me for making this decision for her.  I will just have to try and explain to her that mommy and daddy did what we felt was best at the time.

Thank you Cherry for your reassuring remarks.  My number one concern post-op was incontinence and regression of potty-training.  Good Luck with your decision, Martha.  I hope you find that peace of mind whatever your final decision.  I also hope you will keep us posted.

Sincerely,

L’smom