Hey J,

A tentative decesion made ...ok. You know that you are doing the best you can and if this is what you think you child needs then that is it and how it should been end of story : )

You don’t have to beat yourself up about it or justify it either.  You have a certain idea of what genitals needs to look like and that is what you are comfortable with - You are making this for her and who really knows what she’ll think but she’ll know if you talk like anything that you write that her mom did the best that she could based on your experiences and feelings.

I try to understand and I don’t get really what is so uncomfortable with an enlarged clitoris- to me it would be just a bigger flower but I think you so want to have you child  and be what is known and comfortable to you and that I do get.  

You asked about feeling with this being done to an older kid and really I’ll admit that I felt betrayed and hurt that people that are in charge of me ..my welfare did this to me.

See, I was smart enough to know that I wasn’t sick and I  can still remember packing for the hospital as a five year old putting my things in a little green suitcase with my curious george monkey.

I was scared that this was done to me by adults and that I wasn’t loved for my true self. I’m an exception for all this and the ped endo, the surgeon, and my parents meant well but they do know that i should of been one of the ones that was allowed a say in what was done to my body. I resent that I was put through all this to be acceptable really with my degree of virilization surgery was needed for period flow and that could of waited but they had a need to fix what was uncomfortable to them and I do get that. I wasn’t planing on using that area for along while but they had to slice and dice and then view their work. Endos, surgeon and students always in my pants and I  should of been left alone- sorta have a stigma and anger over this all but I could kill myself over it (tried to three times seven years ago) or go on and make the best out of it.   

I’m not like other people and never had any desire to fit in : ) I like people and the more I don’t fit in? the more they like me for me. It’s wild really - I’m  almost 200 hundred pounds, 36 years old and date men that are 26- 28 years old. I tell them everything about CAH and how I was born meaning they thought I was male externally (prader five) surgery isn’t a choice for someone born like me plus I tell them about those of us with enlarged clitorises and they wistful going wow then they could find it.

 

Anyway,I have tons of  respect for you and if you have made a decesion and you feel good then it is the right thing for you and yours.

I was wondering how everything else CAH wise is going for your Kiddo? and how old is she?

Ever person and situation is different and how I feel or others do? is different from your child.  

Peace out! and happy Holidays !

Aimee