Well ... been there!  Our SWCAH daughter is now 15 years old and she had her surgery at 4 months old.  Your description of your daughter sounds very much like ours.  She has always been very mature and responsible and self-advocates for her own  care.  Our pediatric urologist saw her every year after her surgery until she was around 6 years old.  He then said that unless there were problems, he didn’t want to see her again until after she started menstruating.  So when she was 12 , I took her to see him.  By then she was already succesfully using tampons, so I felt pretty confident things were OK.  She had always known she had surgery and before the appointment, I encouraged her to prepare questions for the doc so she could ask him at the appointment.  She did.  He explained the entire surgery to her, and she was fine with it.  However, I will tell you that neither the doctor or my husband and me, talked about the emotional side of the "Is it a boy or a girl at birth".  We did not feel that conversation would benefit her in any way.  She understands the hormonal reasons for her appearance at birth and she understands how it was corrected by surgery.  And she knows everything works just fine now and her flow is good.  (although, like most of us, she wishes it would all just go away! LOL).  Our emotional trauma at the time of her birth is not something we feel she needs to know ... ever.  We treat the entire SWCAH condition as a matter of fact, and just part of who she is.  Some people have diabetes, some have thyroid problems, scoliosis ... whatever ... and each condition has its own unique set of issues to deal with.  We have always treated it this way and she does the same.  By the way, we have a 13 year old son with SWCAH too.

So to answer your question, there is no right or wrong time.  You and your husband know your daughter better than anyone, and together with the urologist, you’ll figure out the best way.  What does your doc think?

I don’t know if I’ve helped, but that was our experience for what it is worth.  Good luck.

Michele