Lol...nope - the doctors I have come across are extremely dumb. They don’t bother with the tests that they don’t want to hear the real answers for because they like to blame everything that is wrong with my on CAH so they don’t have to try and fix the problem.

I have been super tired recently, fainting alot (even in the bath), random nose bleeds....but apparently (this is what my endo thinks) it is my body’d reaction to the ’stressful’ last year of high school.

I passed out one too many times in the bath, and nearly drowned, so my mum forced me to get a blood test. Hahahahaha....I am a carrier for thalasemia trait (alpha strand), which is a blood condition - something to do with wacky shaped and depleted red blood cells....So in any case I am anemic....wooo hooo.

As for your other questions...

where do I see myself in 5 years time? Well I would really not like to think that far ahead. My life, my dreams, my aspirations stop at the end of this year. All I want to do is get through my final exams alive, and then I don’t really care. Well I do - I would love to be happy again, or at least forget all my worries; but that won’t happen in a hurry. So maybe in a medically induced coma for the rest of my life, or dead - whichever, I don’t care.

Where do I see CAH in 5 years time? Would not have a clue....Hopefully not recognised as a ’condition of sexual development’ anymore, especially when in life threatening situations. Instead, as the potentially life threatening condition that it is. I’ve had too many hospital visits, where doctors have been too interested to touch and look at my unsugically touched genitals (I didn’t have all the surgery because my mum didn’t think it was medically necessary). Doctors on the other hand are always very interested, and think that somehow that could be the reason for tonsilitis...

Do I go to a teaching hospital? Yes (Well up until now I have, I’m not sure if I still have to go since I am now 18) The Children’s Hospital in Sydney, Australia....and before that I was in Melbourne, Victoria. I do respect that there are some wonderful doctors at both, most of their patients never have a problem with them....But I am a diffiicult patient because of the way that I have been treated in the past, and the ability to be able to pass judgement on what I think is necessary.

All of my baggage about CAH has exaccerbated how I perceive myself, and potentially any relationships that I have. Gosh the stint with my first boyfriend should have been wonderful and exciting....but it was the beginning of one of the most horrible parts of my life. I spent 8 months worrying about me, about CAH and what he would think, because I was scared of being rejected....Plus I was abused by an Uncle when I was 13, and didn’t bother to deal with it properly. Everything seems to be cyclical in my life. One thing will always affect another, and then it will all start again. I just wish there was a clear-cut, start and finish to it all. I don’t want to carry anymore emotions than I already do...

Annalise