Lol....Umm thanks for all the kind words but sometimes I think I am damaged beyond repair - thats why I can’t see a ’future’.....I used to be able to though, which is even more disappointing.

I used to be ’so together’. None of this affected me in this way before, but being 18 there is too much pressure. Especially if you are a smart cookie like me. I love school however. It is the one thing in this world that has kept me distracted enough to get through each and every day. I have six months left until my final exams. I am looking forward to the extra stress actually, considering I get too bored to easily and then tend to ’think’ too much.

I wanted to do medicine, to teach all those naive and uncompassionate doctors a lesson. But in my present state, I can’t even help myself let-alone other people. Who knows, things might change. I finally talked to a teacher about some things.

I’ve also tried the whole ’psychologist’ thing...It didn’t work. I knew her as a friend, and she could tell that I wasn’t all right...I confided in her about CAH, my fears and insecurities thinking that because of her training she could help....but apparently my problems triggered some of her own and we both ended up in a similar situation...Now I feel guilty - although I have been told I shouldn’t.

Hmmm, who knows - I still might end up doing something ’for the greater good’...I am really hoping that it is within the CAH community, because this is what is driving my life at the moment. It’s the one thing that seems to hurt the most. I will try and feel better, I know that much....I can’t take being unhappy for very much longer.

Annalise