I promise you that I have never purposefully not taken my medication...I’ve seen what it can do and am too scared to try....I’d rather be having it, as time consuming as it is, than have the side effects of being uncontrolled.

I really don’t know why I am pale, dizzy and crying all the time, to tell you the truth. But my next endo appointment is at the end of May and so I probably won’t get any real answer til then. Yet again he is never really the sort for giving me correct information anyway - which really annoys the hell out of me. My only guess is that its the anemia and the stress of exams, and most probably depression - but who knows.

About the surgeon - it was his mannerisms...he just came across as an unsympathetic butt head. One of the ones who would rather be a production line in surgery than a ’good’ doctor. Then again - I have high standards, I am sick of being mucked around with for no good reason. It’s because of the name of CAH that doctors treat me differently without finding out the facts - like reading my medical file or asking me question....It’s stuff like that which rub me up the wrong way. O and also the fact that I didn’t need surgery, but he convinced my mum anyway annoys me too. I feel as though I have been changed for no damn good reason except for his self gratification. Meh feeling ’altered’ doesn’t make me feel real, and in fact I think I feel less normal. I am one of those people who believes that you get what you are given...If apparently I was given an appearance that wasn’t the ’norm’ then thats what I was given. I hate that I am not that - I feel ’created’ to suit a particular perspective about what is normal...but I don’t share that same view. I respect my individuality but I am finding it hard to deal with that some people are just to stubborn to value it also...

Lol I am weird and complex I know...but this is me expressing my individuality and the way I see the world. I laugh at myself sometimes - just how stupid some of the things I feel are. But thats me, and I’ve gotten used to it...I just wish that others could.

Annalise