Ummm well, my anemia is in the process of getting better now - go the iron tablets that make me feel like I wanna puke!!! I love them.

I sort of agree with Aimee. As a person with CAH I am definately going to have a different perspective about alot of things, mainly because I am always put into situatioins that I don’t want to be in. Can I help the fact that I have CAH? No...Can I help the fact that my parents have only ever wanted the best for me? No again....I am at one of those horrible transition phases... the ones that you know you will have to go through, but dread it so much, but can I stop it from happening? No the hormones won’t let me, even though I am putting up a damn good fight! Hence the different perspective I may hold towards a lot of things.

Not alot of people actually know how I am feeling because I feel ashamed and somewhat humiliated because I know that my health has always been other peoples priorities...I don’t want to let other people down by telling them how I really feel about it all....

As an adolescent, I am just letting you know that as a CAHer I have learnt to hide my emotions well. So be cautious about your kids too...who knows when they will or won’t rebel. Sometimes how you feel about it all is so peripheral at first glance, and the hurt and anguish is deeper and more controlling over yourself. I am the type not to kick up a stink in front of doctors as much as I hate alot of things, so I will always tell them that I am okay with what they want to do - yet really thats another issue...but I am finally sick of it all.

My mum used to use me as a wonderful example for other parents with children with CAH. That a lot of what they worry about is going to be fine because apparently I am. For a lot of it, she is right - but that is just my physical health giving her that impression. She doesn’t know what has been going on in my mind for a good part of my life, and she porbably won’t ever know because its just too hard to talk about. I don’t want her ever feeling as though she has failed be, nor done the wrong thing by me...so I tend to blame alot of things on Doctors. It makes it easier to look her in the face and tell her that I love her...

Perhaps you may think that alot of my contempt at the medical world is unjustified. By all means it is them who have kept me alive for the last 18 years, but it is also them that have made alot of my nightmares come true. Not to mention the nightmares that are created because of the fear and anguish I have towards actually dealing with the past and how that has made me feel as a person.

It’s all really complicated and made so much worse by my raging hormones!!!  I hope that perhaps anybody bothering to read any of this jumble, can see that people hide alot of how they are feeling to make others happy. And sometimes it is easier placing the blame on ’outsiders’ so that they don’t hurt the people that they know care and love them. For a good part of what I fear however, I can’t blame anyone but the butt heads that did it - I just don’t like being the one that’s not okay, I am the ’all-together-one’ and when I am not, then I let down myself and the people around me.

Ummm wellity that is all for now...I have maths homework that I have to finish - but I hope that now it may be a little easier to ’get’ where I am coming from

Wink, wink - Nudge, nudge...

Annalise 

P.S. I am not sure I actually have an opinion on genital surgery in general. All I know about myself, is that it wasn’t warranted.