Hello,
I read your post and I completely understand what your daughter is going through, in terms of having a condition where you feel as though your gender identity is compromised. I have come to a similar stage in life where I have had to start questioning who I am, and whether or not it is the condition that facilitates that - whether or not I am normal, or will be loved. I am 18, so CAH and having all the pressures of adolescence and school has/is taking its toll on me emotionally and physically - just as I assume it may be for your daughter.
My parents are divorced, and both happily remarried - but from that there are obvious 'trust' issues about what I want to talk about with them, and what I would like them to know about me. Furthermore, I come from a very conservative Christian upbringing where CAH is as much a taboo subject, as homosexuality - because alot of people think that it is inter-related. I am not of that persuasion, which is something dissimilar from your daughter, but I understand the teenage confusion, angst, and dilemmas of adolescence with this condition - because I am going through similar things.
However, I have found that talking helps ALOT. I have recently confided in a teacher because my rather 'unhealthy' coping mechanisms were taking its toll on me (not to mention screwing around with stress/CAH), but I am in the process of finding new and better ways to help myself and I hope other people.
Learning is never a lost cause...I have had a rather 'open' relationship with my mum and my endo, and there are times that I believe I know too much about the condition for somebody my age. I tend to hook into things and become obsessive over others, like image, normality etc. But all of this information has allowed me to see a sense of 'purpose' in me having CAH. In a way I am starting to 'own' it, and letting it be a part of the person that I am, not as something that controls me.
I will be open with you - because I understand that you are a worried mother and only wants the best for your daughter; but the path to understanding the condition is long and slow, because there is so much information we have to divulge and put into retrospect. My journey infact, was/is horrible (because I am not totally convinced that I have reached that final point of inner peace with myself). I have horrendous eating habits - that doctors in the past have labelled as 'bulimia', and I indulged in self-injurous behaviour so that i could ease some of the emotional burden of having CAH. It's a stage, a phase that many people transition through in their lifetime, and I am not saying this to try and justify my perhaps stupid behaviour - I am saying this because there is an end to it, there is a way of stopping, of telling yourself enough is enough.
So by all means, if you have questions - any at all, I do not mind sharing my response with either you or your daughter. I will be as truthful as I can be, because that is what you deserve in your time of need. And I realize that your daughter may be a bit more comfortable talking to someone close to her age.
My email is anna_bryant89@hotmail.com
Keep smiling
Annalise
