Hey J,
I think I've posted to you before about surgery and such. I just had a vaginoplasty on August 30th and am still recovering (nicely, thankfully). I know it must be very difficult trying to figure out what to do and in all honesty I think it's pretty much a lose/lose situation because if you choose to have your child have the surgery when they're young you have to decide if you should tell them that they had the surgery when they're older. If you wait until they're older they might be upset that they didn't have the surgery when they were younger (trust me I know how that is).
All I can say over and over and over again is honesty. If you decide to have the surgery for your child at a young age then I think you should explain to your child that they did have the surgery and tell them all about what it was for and why it needed to be done, it's important for the child to know what's going on with their body so the feel more comfortable with themselves when they're growing up.
I think surgery is such a touchy subject because there are so many different view points on what is right and what is wrong. Some people believe that children shouldn't know what's going on and they should be sheltered from their condition and parents create this bubble around them (that's what I had happen and it's very hard to deal with) and then there's parents who think the child should make the choice when they get older and that's hard on the kid too. I'm happy I got to choose when I got the surgery done even though it's painful. I had the doctor tell me what was going on and talk to me as an adult but when my mom would be with me at the doctors she would be getting all that information and not relaying it back to me so I was lost in never-neverland.
I think no matter what choice you make that I thought be what feels right to you and not by others experiences (no offense to anyone). Everyone has different experiences not only with surgery but with the disease itself. Just remember honesty is the best way to go. You need to make sure your choild understands themself and I think once they understand they will feel a little more comfortable with their body and themself.
I know that probably doesn't help what-so-ever but if you need to talk about anything else regarding the surgery and what I went through or anything at all then feel free to e-mail me at cm_paden [at] yahoo [dot] com.
