Dear Audra
"like your daughter and aimee who have had awful doctros and surgeries that were unsucessful..........."
Please don't refer to my name as I remember how you wrote to me before. Don't use me.
I've never refered to my doctor as awful in any posts. The surgery that was done to me is what was recommended at the time period of 1975 in all major medical centers for those with my degree of virilization and it was considered better because the clitoral reduction actuallt turned out to be more painful for those with less virilization but the parent just wanted it smaller. Mywas considered a sucessful sugery by the medical community and just for years ago my gyno/oncology doctor called what was done exquisite which is just his opinion.
I find they meant well but being a teaching tool was tramatic besides the finger dialations by the surgeon and the genital exams every 3 to 6 months but this surgery took away who I am as my mind ....gender expression is more in line with the genital that I was born with.
"The doctors who are very well versed in the surgeries now are as careful as can be." Which I hope as well with any medical procedure and 20 years from now you child will find out how good or bad or like me that they struggle with gender and being female.
I agree that "Mom" has to use the guilt for something good.
I don't have ill feelings either and know this is what we have to endure to fit in society.
The fact that the medical people had to fix everything and then smooth it over made ...and shush be happy and just act Ok when one is drowning because they feel fake and medically made is not helping. people with CAH ...women with CAH wonder at 3 am if their voice is to low or the brissle when someone asks do you have a cold or make comments about your voice. Or, wearing a skirt and someone asks if you are male ...yeah you think do this surgery and it fixes everything and "Know" it's good surgery well back then they thought their surgery was good to and actually they check of their certain criteria but my mind match what was cut away. I would of been better of with surgery at 12 or 14 if at all- maybe I would of been better male as I was higher on the prader scale but they all did the cystoscopes and went wow big uterus and my virilization was something that they destroyed. When I look at pictures of me as a kid? there is one with a family friend and others where if I didn't know it was me then I would think ... A LITTLE BOY with longer hair but it took me for ever to blend those parts together and this isn't about being a tomboy but someone with CAH.
Maybe Mom is seeing what I know and that is the guilt
Are we are allowed to speak about being with this condition ..I hope? because I find that if we don't put on the good happy camper or the stronge tooper then we are down granded for are own condition and thus are feeling are kept quiet and help for the condition doesn't grow but we simmer and it comes out in different ways. I think my parents did the best they could at the time and the doctors considering at the time what the did and didn't know about CAH but like anyone with cancer which I had and any thyroid condition which I have Hashimoto's and Celiac Sprue which I have .... one does look to others for support.
Dear Mom-
Have you considered volunteering at say a Vetrans Hospital?
