Hi Mayo,
You have made big first steps. Even writing to this board and outlining your situation is a massive step forward in regard to understanding yourself. I admire you greatly!!
At 22, I agree, these things seem to be very embarrasssing. It sounds like the dilators are not a resounding success at all and any surgery of that type is also very scary. Yet maybe you need to look at the bigger picture of a whole future, if a relationship is what you desire.
You know surgeons, they tend to separate the person from the problem at the best of times and focus on the challenge of the surgery....and this could go in your favour this time, hehe!! Having said that, you do need to have someone who cares enough to listen to you, help you and do a good reconstruction.
This is obviously of huge concern to you (and rightly so) so please contact Kelly at the CARES Foundation for the name of a compassionate surgeon, well experienced in surgery for CAH females.
Just take it in small steps! Like first - you've tried the dilators - that alone is scary! You've done it! Tried it. They didn't work! Not your fault.
Next contact Kelly. Make an appointment to just talk to whoever she may suggest. Then think about it some more. Take time but move positively to where you eventually want to go.
You can do it girl!
Have to rush now but keep in contact.
