Hey Marche'....
Sorry about the fact that I didn't get to post your answer before...It is sitting here, it's just that long that it keeps on stuffing up the internet connection!
Adolescence (I believe) is one of the most screwiest times that I have been through, and I am hoping that it will be all down hill from here. But I highly doubt that because I will always have CAH. I hate the fact that when your in pain, hurting or just really sad everybody blames it all on 'teenage angst'. When really not alot of people know or understand that our problems are because of a chronic illness so it's not something we can 'just get over' as we grow up.
I am short, 5'3 is short for a girl here when the average is over 5'6...so of course people try to rub it in. I don't let them see that it gets to me because that would make it more obvious that they are having an impact on me. And then they would probably do it more. Don't you just love the fact that people state the obvious, like I didn't know that I was shorter than them, and now finally they are telling me the truth? Some people are really peculiar, but I suppose that I am 'comfortable' with my height that I can see through all of their silly little words!
The weight problems on the other hand, were harder to deal with for me. Weight was something I could easily control, whereas I couldn't exactly make myself taller. I have lost alot of weight, doing it all the right ways (exercise, eating the right food...) - whilst still on my meds! But as I was doing that, I was becoming more popular and I was pleasing my endo...These two reasons, drove me to do things that I can now laugh at, and cry at because of the degree of stupidity that I adopted. I got over-obsessive about what I looked like (in a superficial way), so I became caught in a trap of really, really stupid eating habits that screwed around with my mind, body and of course CAH. And it was all because I wanted to prove a point to people...that I was just like them.
But I know that I am not - well not really. Who is if we are all 'individuals'? Some days I pride my individuality, but on others I tend to hide from everyone. I am, and always have been, extremely self conscious about what I look like. I am aware that there are parts of my physical appearance that I want to hide, but doing that has (in the past few months) raised unwelcomed questions. Specifically the fact that I wear a woollen jumper at school all day, and it is summer. Teachers were starting to put two and two together, and I felt like I couldn't hide from the truth anymore, so i confided in one person about CAH and what it compelled me to do. However alot of the reasons why I 'hide' are not all because of the condition - I've been through a lot of horrible things that I couldn't control, so by controlling what I look like has enabled me to believe that they will never happen again. (Like the fact that my parents are divorced - was it my fault? And when I was 13 my uncle tried to do things to me... but I won't put it here because this is a kids board - but I'm sure that your guess is right)
There has never been a day when I haven't missed taking my meds on purpose. I realize that they are important in treating CAH - and all the symptoms, so besides the fact that I am short, and am/was overweight there isn't anything that draws attention to me. This is a double-edged sword...because some people think that I don't have a care in the world and I can't be feeling as mixed up as others. So there are definately days when I don't feel entitled to cry, or feel sad, because there are others going through horrible things too - that are more obvious. I kept alot of my pain inside me, I never used to talk about it with anyone (my except my mum) but as I have learnt more about CAH there are questions that I have wanted answers for. I think alot of CAH is learning; learning about who you are and the person that you feel comfortable showing to the rest of the world. For me at the moment...that person is the talkative, funny and intelligent person that I am. Whereas before the only parts of me that people 'knew' were the shy, confused, nerd.
Things do change. They do start to get easier over time, but CAH will always be a battle that sometimes we are winning and sometimes we feel defeated. Try to remember the good days when you are feeling down. If there isn't a whole day, try to remember the last time that you laughed. It helps you put alot into perspective.
Keep Smiling
Annalise
P.S. - my relationship with my endo proabably isn't intimate enough to start a family, but he is open to all my stupid questions. Lately they have been ones that he can't really answer, because I know more about myself (and probably the condition) than he does. You can find the answers from alot of different places it doesn't always have to be with doctors. And I am sure that your mum knows a fair bit too, so never be afraid to talk to her - even in the most awkward circumstances! Believe me, I've been there...they are quite funny when you look back.
