I have one obnoxious brother so, I can not imagine having 5!
I didn't have an open or good relationship with my mother either, until I was around 30 and I was the one to forgive.
Being overweight has always been an issue with me too but again, with age, I learned that my body type wasn't what made me.
Since all that takes time and doesn't help now, I would suggest one thing to you. Find someone or something that needs you.
Be a big sister, or write on this board more - for example.
Often you will find that there are other kids out there that need someone just to love them and care about them. You say you live out in Egypt but is there a place that provides opportunities in your community where you could mentor someone else? Sometimes, when you are down, focusing on others that are having difficulty will help you put your own issues in perspective. Believe it or not, and I understand your pain, there are others out there that would love to have someone (who understands pain and disappointment like you do) in their lives.
Writing on this board too, helps us. As a mother, I am afraid of my daughter someday feeling the way you do and your input on other people's questions on this board would be very valuable to us and perhaps, in turn, to you.
Kelly is right, talking or visiting with others in your position, probably would help immensely. I hope you write to her and get those connections made.
I know it is hard to believe right now but High School will quickly fade once you are out. I truly hope you stick it through and , if necessary, use the passion of your anger and sadness to help others who may not be as strong as you must be to have come here and be willing to share like you have. There are probably people reading this who feel like you do that won't respond but appreciate you saying what they wish they could express.
Thank you very much for writing and again, I hope you talk to Kelly. You never know who you may end up helping by asking for help.
Take care of yourself and know that we care,
RebeccaM
