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I don't believe you can be accurately diagnosed with an ultra-sound: even if the adrenals did look enlarged (can they TELL that from an ultra-sound?!), I doubt whether they would give a definitive diagnosis based on that. Chances of them telling you "yes" or "no", and then being completely wrong, would be very high. And if you have opted not to take dex anyway, what's the point of an early diagnosis?? (other than your own peace of mind!) I don't believe I've heard of anyone getting a diagnosis from an ultra sound .... but they may be out there!
You must stop beating yourself up as a mother!! It's no one's business if you decide to have another child, or if you decide to have surgery for your daughter. As moms, we ALL make decisions for our kids every day .... we take the info and circumstances that we have, and do the best that we can. Some people may disagree with you ..... so what?! Life is not about pleasing everyone. (thank God!) If I feel that my decisions are in line with God's will for my life (or my kids' lives, for that matter), I go by the old adage: "Those who mind don't matter, and those who matter won't mind". Congrats on your new little miracle! I'll be praying for you both!